Working Hard, Hardly Working

When was the first time you came in contact with extraterrestrials? What was it like?

Anonymous

A little disorienting, but also revealing! I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared or so enthralled in my life, before or since. I think I might even have been probed!

At least, I thought so. Derpy just quoted Aeschylus at me and said I needed to stop hanging out with strange stallions after dark.

“Hey, Cloud Kicker. You seem to be a very organized and punctual little pony. You remind me a little of a pony named Twilight Sparkle, a friend of your boss. Have you two ever met?” - Anonymous

Who hasn’t met Miss Sparkle? Why, she knows everypony! From the lowliest little foal to the mightiest stallion, she makes it her job to be the most sociable pony in town. I can’t say I’m the fondest of her, nor her of me - she’s very much the sort that doesn’t like when someone is more knowledgeable about something than she is - but she’s an amiable girl.

Now, on the other hand, that dragon of hers…I’m his biggest fan! I’m going to make a movie out of his rampage last week, and I can guarantee it’ll make me stinking rich!

Guest artist: Soup (http://soupsoneverypony.deviantart.com)

How fast can you fly?

Anonymous

Experience has taught me that it’s not fast enough!

Did anyone have told you how adorable you are?

divineretribution

No, they haven’t! Thank you, mister! You’re such a gentlecolt.

What's the appropriate amount of force needed to kick a cloud into dispersing? In newtons, please.

lethallin

It really depends on the type of cloud! I’m not sure what a Newton is, though. Unless you mean Whinnewtons, silly pony! They’re how we measure force!

Can you believe that an averagely-sized pony can kick with a force nearing 16,000 Whinnewtons? It’s true! In the Far East, where aliens influenced the cultural growth of the indigenous species, they have this thing called a car. It’s a small, metal box that can travel at speeds far faster than the average pony’s ground speed, though they can’t hope to match flight or teleportation, and they’re incredibly heavy! Great for ploughing through obstacles and things like that, you’d think. A pony’s hardest kick is equivalent to a low-speed impact in one of those! Quite shocking, really, but it explains why we’re able to dissipate clouds so well. The strongest among us, and those who use magic or technology to bolster their strength, can kick even harder! I’ve known Applejack to be able to kick with a force nearing 50,000 Whinnewtons, and her brother Mac can hit almost 60,000!

The average cumuliform cloud only requires a force of 3,000 Whinnewtons to shatter, whereas the average stratoform and cirriform clouds take 4,238 and 5,789 respectively. Why so specific? Calculations performed by Coponycus years ago worked out the exact figures required to ensure proper dispersion of rainfall, and all weather control officers are required to know them and adhere to them as closely as possible!

Hope that helps!

(Oh, and on an entirely un-related note, thank you so much for following my blog, ponies! This is a little late, but here you go. Hope you enjoy, and I’m looking to the future, and more weather-related fun!)

“Do you know Derpy? If you do, could you please tell her she is a very pretty pony? The same to yourself, of course, Ms. Cloudkicker.” - Anonymous

“So you’re not a fan of your boss. Which coworkers DO you like?” - Flutter-guy

“What’s it like doing weather control with Derpy?” - Anonymous

“Do you get annoyed that people keep mistaking you for Derpy Hooves?” - Anonymous

You know, she wasn’t always called Derpy Hooves! She used to go by the name of ‘Bright Eyes’ when we studied together in Canterlot, but she changed it on arriving here in Ponyville, to escape her student loans. Some people know how to play the system! I was always envious. All that debt, swept away like so much settled dust…why are you all so interested in my relationship with her, anyway? She’s only a pony.

Admittedly, she’s also my oldest and dearest friend, but she’s a pony first and foremost. Though she currently works as a mailpony, due to her medical conditions (aphasia and strabismus, as I recall, but don’t quote me on those!), she used to be the most gifted legal professional in Equestria! Beautiful, intelligent, charismatic, she had it all. Next to her, her childhood friend Cloud Kicker was plain and ugly! Or, at least, she always felt that way.

Now, Derpy’s given all that up, but she’s still far too clever by half, more so than anypony has a right to be. Past those eyes and that speech, she’s a dangerous vixen, so you be careful if you ever meet her! We bicker a lot, but that’s what best friends do. Here’s us shouting at each other, most of our pictures are like this!

Maybe some day I’ll tell you about some of the grand adventures we’ve shared!

Since you spend so much time with your head in the clouds, have you ever seen any aliens?

Anonymous

This is a picture I found in my chest of drawers, a while ago.

I don’t know where it came from, who took it, when it was, or why I look so accomplished. I mean, that sort of happiness, you only get that once, right? When you do something incredible, right?

The only trace of evidence I ever found was a message scrawled in invisible ink on the back of the photo.

On that note, what’s a waifu?

Where did the weather factory technology come from?

Anonymous

That’s an interesting question! I did my combined honours degree in Weather History and Aeroscience, you know, so I’m probably the most qualified to answer in all Ponyville!

It actually started out about ten thousand years ago, when most of the world behaved like the Everfree Forest. If you’ve ever done any reading into the Discordant Era, you’ve probably heard of this one - the entire world operated on the principles of chaos. At least, how we interpreted chaos, anyway. I’m sure to whatever great force was responsible it all made perfect sense, but ponies couldn’t make the best of that sort of crazy weather patterning, so we decided we’d change things up a little bit. In a nutshell, a young, prodigious research scientist named Cello, and her magically-precocious foal sister Lullaby, got involved with some dangerous things and some dangerous people. They trifled with forces beyond their comprehension and…well, naturally, we all know how it goes from there on out. I could say more, but getting too specific about history would just bore you! Anyway, when the dust settled, Equestrian weather (and the rest of the world’s weather, for that matter) had completely stalled. Nothing worked. The two ponies, Cello and Lullaby, sought aid from the power of the spirit of Harmony to fix it, and in doing so, learned how to control the weather, amongst many other things, and the world became a tad more like what it is today.

So, to sum up, weather factory technology originates from the end of the Second Period in general pony history, as a gift from the greater powers that ruled Equestria at that time. I hope you enjoyed this little lecture, and I might go further into detail at some point in future if it becomes relevant!

WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PRETENTIOUS PEGASUS? YOUR PALTRY PRATTLE IS PIERCING THE POOL OF MY PERSONAL SANITY

Anonymous

Oh, yeah? Well, you’re a pompous, pesky prat! Pray perfunctorily piercing personal prudence pools proves pleasing, you perfectly perfidious pillock, ‘cause that pejorative primping that’s polluting ponies’ perceptions placates a particular professed pegasus plus pals practically pitifully!

…I really need to get a better thesaurus…

“What’s it like working with Rainbow Dash?” - hirothehero

“So I heard you are gay for Rainbow Dash. Is that true?” - Anonymous

“Do you hate Dash?” - Anonymous

“Ever kicked Rainbow Dash off a cloud?” - Anonymous

Don’t get me started on my boss!

Just because she’s the fastest pony around doesn’t mean she’s the most competent, or the easiest to work with, I’ll have you know! She’s lazy, she’s a rule-breaker, she refuses to pull her weight (which I’m sure is more than she lets on) and…ugh! She just gets me so angry! And just this morning I was trying to do some complex calculations, to fix the errors she made in last month’s rainstorm schedule, and do you know what she did? She told me to lay off! She called me neurotic! I work my rump off to cover that pony’s flank and she treats me like I’m dirt! Why, if I weren’t getting paid so much, I’d quit. Thank Celestia for my union!

I don’t want to talk about this any more right now. There are so many stories of horrific, abysmal failure and I only have so many words!